EVER AFTER.....

When I was 20 years of age, I had been dating my future wife for two and a half years. Arrogant and self-centered couldn't begin to describe me. Ironically, I was so much so that I didn't even have a clue how I was. She was 2 years younger and (I thought) totally in love with me. Why not? I was going to slay all the dragons, and we'd live happily ever after.

Even at that age, I was one driven son of a gun. "Intense" is the word the counselor used 19 years later. But I'm getting ahead of myself. During our dating years, we both seemed to have the same idea of what a life together should mean. I'd get a job, she'd get pregnant, and we'd raise a family. Having both come from broken families ourselves, we thought we knew what not to do.

Our first two years of dating (and engagement) were proceeding just fine, I thought (but ignorance truly is bliss). While I was sharpening my sword, and polishing my armor, she was seeing more and more of my faults (and I do have more than my share of them). At that time, of course, I didn't think I had any. But, as I say, she saw them early on. And one day, out of the blue, she broke things off with me. With no explanation, she said she wanted out of our engagement. And with appropriate injury, I told her I never wanted to see her again. For 9 months, that is exactly what happened. Shortly after she first left, I heard a song by Don McLean that truly hit home--it described exactly how I felt at that time. The lyrics are below.

Empty Chairs
Words & Music by Don McLean
(Album - American Pie)

I feel the trembling tingle of a sleepless night
Creep through my fingers and the moon is bright
Beams of blue come flickering through my window pane
Like gypsy moths that dance around a candle flame

And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would

Moonlight used to bathe the contours of your face
While chestnut hair fell all around the pillow case
And the fragrance of your flowers rest beneath my head
A sympathy bouquet left with the love that's dead

And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would

Never thought the words you said were true
Never thought you said just what you meant
Never knew how much I needed you
Never thought you'd leave, until you went

Morning comes and morning goes with no regret
And evening brings the memories I can't forget
Empty rooms that echo as I climb the stairs
And empty clothes that drape and fall on empty chairs

And I wonder if you know
That I never understood
That although you said you'd go
Until you did I never thought you would

Now, 35 years later, I still know why she went. What I really don't understand, is why she returned. After a nine month hole in my life, she simply showed back up. I was so ready to be back together, that I never probed enough into why she left. I hadn't really changed during her absence--I remained driven and intense. To some extent, I still am today. Age, of course, mellows most people, and it's certainly done so to me. But, I've been transparent all my life, so she knew I was what I was.

Seems that during our separation, she had a chance to date other guys and see what else was out there. During that time, she didn't find a real Prince Charming, so she returned to her comfortable frog (who didn't realize that was all he was). And he was good enough, while she was in her "nesting" mode. After the children were here, however, she began seeing me again as I really always was, and started pulling away--slowly at first, then more quickly and completely.

Amazingly, we remained together (with much anguish and fussing). The children were all-important to both of us, so we both tolerated the situation. Hind sight is (as they say) 20/20. I don't think either of us would live through it again. But, that is now a moot point--we did live through it. Now, as the children move on, she is faced once again with the frog--and he still has all his warts. Since he caught and brought her all the flies during their marriage, she has little practice at providing for herself.

Now what? The thought of growing old with a mere frog must be frightening.